At the docs during short staff holiday sessions ... means long waiting time... which equal lots of time for doodles.

merry xmas y'all

Various rose meanings: The creative spirit of love.

True red is the lover's rose.
Amaranth long standing desire
Cardinal sublime desire
Carmine deceitful desire (not true to color)
Fiery flames of passion.

This painting is still in pupua form. Its for the show next year. Really looking forward to it and I'm enjoying the process. This new work is very different to my older stuff. Older stuff was very much "painterly". Back then my head was still filled with my mentors voices... I was more interested in abstract qualities... the buttery texture of paint and its weight and colour. I was curious about mark making and facinated by notations. Right now I'm drawn to symbols and figurative work; children illustrations and narration... which I hope will come across in this new series.

Currently listening to: a cd I bought when I was in Taiwan many years ago. Listening to it makes me miss Taipei. The bustling streets. Eating out at night. My grandma.

Had a shower, and decided to go for an evening jog.

It was really refreshing.

Jogging alone at night has that extra element of danger in it. Whether real or imagined I don't know. Running down streets that are poorly lit, trees cast long deep shadows, the pavement stretches underneath you and its in the back of your mind you could easily fall as you leave the closing darkness behind you. Maybe you run faster when you can't see where your going.

I noticed there were alot of christmas lights. Normally I think they're tacky, but for some reason they were comforting to see tonight. Beautiful suburbia.

Soaked cold. My chest was full of pain, and I could hear myself breathing as I ran in the darkness. Was this what it was like to be truly alone? Just me and the world. The sky seemed more infinite at night than during the day. Like a cool stream running overhead.

You don't have many special nights. Nights that just seem magical. Even though I'm sure not all evening jogs are like this or will be like this... tonight was special.

Finally finished watching Sympathy for Mr Vengeance. Chan-Wook Park's films really stick in my head. They leave me feeling unsettled. Its strange though, I've seen other violent films before, but none really like his. Tarantino suddenly feels lightweight, his characters like cutouts in comparison. In Park's film they feel incredibly real. The violence felt real, so real it made me wince and cover my mouth. I'd tug at my earlobes, or touch my achilles. I don't know what I find more disturbing... The screaming gaps in violence that I'm forced to piece together... or the thought that anybody could have been those characters. Something just clicks, something just clicks over in daily life and suddenly everything... every small dark rage curtailed is released.

Currently listening to: Gwen Stefani, What you waiting for?

Procrastinating a bit today. Its a strange day. A radiohead day where things are nonsensical and meaningful. Sort of humid. Looks like it might rain, might not. Sun behind clouds. Grey and bright at the same time.

Went for a walk this morning to clear the mind...

Been obsessing over dead roses. Beginning to realise they let go along time ago, they're not the ones hanging on... but I am.

Currently listening to: Mos Def Sex, Love & Money

Its been a crazy week. Been doing some hardcore retail therapy over the last few days. Was badly burnt when I fell asleep at the beach. Been preping surfaces falling into deep silences. Watching the moon. Had to have a few blood tests this morning. She filled seven vials with my deep vermillion blood. Drained both my arms until my hands went tingling and purple.

Amongst all this, the thing that really brought a true smile to my face over the last few days, as silly as it sounds, was reading my horoscope which pretty much has summed up alot of things going on in my life right now. Courtesy of Rob Breszny.

"A friend gave me a live rosebush in a planter for my birthday last June. After a few weeks, its five red flowers withered and turned brown but didn't fall off their stems. I left them there, perversely fascinated by the dead blooms that wouldn't let go. Months later, in late November, five new flowers blossomed, and now the bush displays a mix of the living and the dead. It sort of reminds me of you, Aquarius. But I suggest that you do what I haven't done yet: Start plucking off the dried-up old parts of your life today. Give the fresh parts more room to grow and shine. "

Sitting on the balcony, there's a grey haze over the city tonight.
At my old apartment, I'd climb up to the roof, the highest part without barriers and sit at the edge, feet dangling with the city beneath me. In these quiet moments I felt alive.

I'd lie down and the sky would seem endless and anything possible.

"I don't believe the smile when you say goodbye."

I'm thinking about an exhibition I saw when I was in L.A. A japanese artist who does these beautiful sculptures of heads on small bottles.

Don't know why I'm writing about it tonight. In the brightness of the day, I feel like I've lost something today, though I'm not sure what exactly. And it feels strange to feel this way. To feel a sudden absence inside. I think the moon is laughing at me tonight.

"I've given all I can... but its not enough..."

My mind keeps thinking about the emptiness in those bottles.
Silence feels suffocating sometimes.

Bought a new pen, it's kinda funky. It was a bit pricey.



Can't stop drawing these heads.
I miss my morning cupcakes and coffee in ny.

Uggh.... think I've caught a cold. :(

It's around 30 degrees. Hot and muggy, and I'm snivelling away filling up a bag of tissues. Feeling feverish and pretty gross at the moment. Bro is coming around tonight with his new flash car. Maybe I'll have some pho tonight to burn away the fever bouncing in my head.

Yeow

Accidently cut my finger with a stanley knife whilst preparing some paper for canvas. Yeow.